There are a lot of fears that run through your head and heart once you have babies...Will I be a good mom? Will I know how to teach them the things they need to know? Will I be too strict? Will I not be strict enough? Will they know how much I love them...and on and on. One of my biggest fears has been that my babies will grow up not knowing and having a relationship with their relatives...specifically thier aunts and uncles. A while back I made a decision to not let that fear control me and I realized that I had the power to make sure that Cally and Xander would not only know their aunts and uncles but have a powerful relationship with each one. However, about two weeks ago that fear came flooding back with such force that I temporarily felt very powerless.
Uncle Jon and Titi Bug came up for a way too short visit in February and informed Dan and I that they were moving from Arizona to NYC. Yeah for them, not so much us. As soon as the words left their lips I felt like a freight train of emotions had made a permanent stop in my heart. I suddenly felt very alone, very discouraged, very lost. I had been spoiled having them in Arizona and being able to take the direct flight from here to there a couple of times a year and Nessa was able to do the same. Now I felt like we would never get the opportunity to see each other.I think the thing that was the hardest is that Jon and Vanessa have played such a big role in Xander's life that I am afraid that my daughter won't get to have the same experience.
All in all the news made me realize how important not only Jon and Vanessa were to me, but how important all my sisters are to me. It is the desire of my heart to see my sissies every day, but since that can't happen, I have to figure out a way to keep them in my heart and alive in my spirit. I have to develop a way to make sure that Cally has the opportunity to love her aunties as much as Xander does and that both my children develop stronger bonds with their aunts and uncles with every day that they get older. I am determined to not let my sisters just become cards in the mail for birthdays or simple calls at holidays. I love all 3 of you very much!!
Remember, connections aren't something that happens through the miles, but in spite of them. We love each other, and your babies, so much, that the miles won't make a difference. We will always be close.
ReplyDeleteLet me allay your fears...Even I, with my extremely overactive imagination, cannot envision a future for Cally and Xander that did not include the unwavering love of all 3 of his aunties. We are a serious force to be reckoned with and no small thing like distance can get our way!
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